Hello Colton! I really enjoyed your piece and how entertaining it was to read. I don't know if this is what you were going for but I got a little bit of a Hunger Games vibe of sorts and I really liked it. I wonder what it would have been like to be one of those students looking forward to what is to come in the battle for the Holy Grail Tournament Championship. What if for the following stories that are to come in your story book, you write it out more as a dialogue than a scripted format? I like the conversation with the instructor and the students but I thought changing the format just al little bit might make it slightly more connected and continuous. I can't wait to keep reading your stories that are to come as we continue into this class and to find out what happens throughout the whole tournament.
Hey Colton. First off I enjoy the lay out of your page and the beautiful picture of the throne. I was drawn in by the title "The Throne of Hero's", great! I'm a big Game of Thrones fan so I can say that you did a good job to get that base drawn to your story. I think that the story is going to be very interesting because the knights of the round table is a very prestigious feat to be apart of but usually it is due to courage an sacrifice so being able to enter due to someone else's actions is interesting. Maybe there are twists to come however. I think it would benefit you to add color or bold when a certain person is in dialogue that way it is distinguishing for the reader. But in all it was great and look forward to reading on!
Hi Colton! I enjoyed reading your storybook introduction and the concepts you’re working with here! I agree with other readers that this seems like a really interesting Hunger Games-style setup. One aspect of the story that slightly confused me is what the function of the students will be in the story if the servants will actually be the ones fighting for the Grail? I wonder if it might be work better to clarify how the students will be involved in the ultimate battle for the Grail. I was also uncertain about the central theme of this storybook — will it center on medieval mythology, or draw in other cultures and eras (I notice the next section brings Zeus’ story into the mix)? One modification I think would be helpful is to add some punctuation, like parenthesis, around certain sentences to denote that they’re background elements and not necessarily part of the script. I really enjoy the concept of your storybook and I think with some more clarity it will read and flow very well! Good luck!!
Hi there Colton! It's nice to meet ya. Super interesting idea for a story! You really have to have a certain type of creativity and skill to write these kinds of stories. I think that idea and story line is going to be great, I really have no comments to make on that- as that is all on your own discretion! What I do have remarks on, however, is the aesthetics of the story layout.
First thing I noticed was on the introduction. While it was good, you kind of dove into the stories and characters without any background information, which is completely fine if the ideas develop themselves throughout the stories and unfold later, but for a first time visitor the introduction threw me off a little without any context. If anything, the introduction sounds like a great first story, and maybe in the intro you could just give us context as to where they are, what they are doing, and who the main characters are.
The second thing I noticed was how you inserted conversation of the characters. The way it is laid out now makes it look like a script. Which, and I say this again, if that is the vibe you are going for, then great! If you are trying to make it more like casual conversation in the story, then maybe not chop up the things they say they way you did.
Other than those two things, this story reminds of a mixture between Harry Potter and Percy Jones, which I think is really cool! It is going to be a really interesting story when it all unfolds.
Hello Colton! I love your story so far! Your writing style is unique; it reminds me of reading a play. You introduced your topic and characters really well. I love the concept of playing a game based on the wars fought for the holy grail. It would be interesting though if we could have a little more background on who these characters are and why they have decided to play in this game. Is the prize something of great value, or is this more of a pride thing for these characters? Is this something that their ancestors did, or is it something that is popular with their culture right now? I cannot wait to read the rest of your story.
So, I like how you made your story similar to a play. The characters have actions and lines, and there is a clear setting. I like how your introduction seems to have triumphant music playing in the background. It seems like one of those, "Duh duh duh dahhhh," kind of affairs. I think it would be cool for you to have a picture of the summoning in your first story. That was the part that I wanted to see with my eyes. Also, it may be nice for you to put a background color behind the words. I feel like your story is less light, and more medieval. Also, if you did not know yet, you can have a different top of the page picture on each separate page. I think this would be nice for your story. Perhaps you could do a different view of the throne room for each page.
Hi Colton! Great job! I really enjoyed it! I especially liked how when Zeus was questioned about why he wanted to be a servant, he answers, "so I can bring joy to all the beautiful flowers of the world". LOL, at first I didn't understand what was going on but then he glanced at Elizabeth and Chris explains it's because he wanted to sleep with girls. That wording was just hilarious! One thing that I have to question is your characterization of Chris as the most immature of the four students. I don't think you can really see this in your fist story. I think the only "immature" thing he does is call Zeus a geezer. Maybe you could add more stuff to make him more immature. Haha, at this point, I think Zeus is more immature than Chris. Anyways, great story! I look forward to reading more from you!
Great job with the story. I thought you created an admirable, original story that was not afraid to poke fun at Greek mythology's most questionable aspects, most notably Zeus' affinity for women. Your story was hilarious and your use of dialogue and imagery was spot-on. While reading your writing, I could tell that you really knew about your subject matter. I loved that, despite Zeus being the main Greek God you refer to, you were not shy about referencing other Gods/Goddesses in the story and mentioning their attributes. In this case, Hera and her excessive jealousness is shown when she tries to crush Zeus' no-no's. The other being Hephaestus and his crafted mace. Small details like this make Greek mythology fans like myself gush.
My suggestion for you is this: could you may have been a bit more explanatory in your author's note? While reading your story, I had a feeling that the whole story was a reference to something, but I could not quite put my finger on it. You were using terms like Archer and Heroic Spirit, which i am almost sure is a reference to some kind of game. When saying this, I have to apologize since I am so out of the loop. This little mention is so that you can appease us greedy folks!
Other than that, you did a fantastic job, and I look forward to more of your readings!
Colton, I really like your story, it has a Hungry Games feel to it, one of my favorite book series. The introduction seems more like a story than an explanation of what the project is going to be. There are kids/young adult going on a quest with gods/servants. I am not really familiar with what the original story you are basing the project off of. It would be helpful to readers if you explain the world you have created with some authors notes for the introduction and then push the introduction to the first story in the project. When you have something that is not dialogue, like the explanation of what the characters are doing, it might be helpful to put in it brackets or italicized so that your readers do not get confused. It would also be helpful if you could put a link to your comments page on the home page of your project website to make it easier to get to. Great project!
Hi Colton! I really enjoyed reading your story. It had a unique feel to it throughout its entirety that was almost like Divergent, The Hunger Games, and other different works of a similar type. As interesting as your piece was, I was a little bit lost on the idea that you are focusing the story book on. I have no doubt that you are doing it justice, I just don't have a great working knowledge of it myself. With that in mind, what if you maybe expanded on the original a little bit? That might help readers as a whole to make connections and really get into the pieces that you write and to fully appreciate exactly what it is that is unfolding throughout the semester. I also think it might be just a little bit easier to read if it were written in more of a prose style than a script, but I think the script format also makes it unique to your piece so that is a writer's preference thing for sure. I can't wait to see how your project continues to grow as the semester moves forward!
Hi Colton! I am not sure if your Storybook is supposed to be a play off of Game of Thrones, but that's what your title and layout made me think of. I never read the original books or have watched the TV series, so please tell me if I'm way off! However, I really like the way you construct your sentences and the vast amount of dialogue in your introduction. It really captured what the next few stories will be about. I like that it wasn't too short or too long, but just the right amount of length that would keep a reader wanting more. Maybe a small suggestion is to break up the different clumps of dialogue, and change the text box colors just to allow readers to see different splits in the story? Either way, I think you did a really great job and I hope to revisit your story to read the rest of the stories you have created! Nice job!
Hi Colton! My favorite thing about your stories is the amount of dialogue! It makes your audience feel as though they are watching your characters interact, rather than just reading about them interacting. I also agree with Sonali, while all the dialogue is awesome, I think that breaking it up into clumps would make the story more appealing to your reader. You could break it up with description of the scene or insight into what a character is thinking.
You did a good job of showing what you called "Zeus's playboy nature". I encouge you to keep developing your characters personalities by adding more description. Your authors note provides that, but maybe incorporate more of it into your stories! Other than that, your plot is clear and fun to read! I look forward to seeing what else you come up with!
Hi Colton! I like how you organized your story sort of like a play script. It made it easy for me to follow along and I was able to follow the interactions between your characters more easily. I think it would be cool to see a bit more of the personalities of your characters. You did a good job on the flow of the stories, but I think that it would be helpful if some of the dialogue was a bit longer rather than short sentences. Good job!
Hi Colton! I am so glad to be returning to your storybook this week. It looks like you've done a lot writing since the last time I was able to visit and just read your introduction. I was able to read all new additions to your story! I really like the style you decided to go with - almost like a playbook/script style. It seems like one could easily make a play out of these stories. However, something that kept confusing me was forgetting whose part I was reading. I think one minor text suggestion would be to just bold the names of the people speaking, so if a reader is to refer back to the sentence to who said what, it just makes it easier on the eyes. Just a minor suggestion though, and it's completely up to you! Either way, I think you did a wonderful job, and you're going to be writing any more stories, I am looking forward to coming back and seeing any new additions you make!
Hey Colton! What an awesome storybook you have so far. Your home page really grabs the attention of the reader right off the bat, especially with the pictures. Then, your introduction does a great job of explaining some background information for your storybook, and sets up and describes just how you are going to incorporate your own style into this storybook. Then your first story was also really great. I liked that you incorporated Greek mythology, as this was large part of my inspiration for my storybook. All of your stories are really cool and I like your overall theme. I also liked the commentary because it added great texture to the storyline. I think overall, the layout is really visually appealing and very organized. If there were one suggestion I could make, it would be to add a few more pictures. They just do a great job of aiding the reader in seeing exactly what you are trying to write. Anyways, thanks for sharing and keep up the great work!
Hey there Colton! I love the look of your storybook so far! And it looks like you are just about done with it so congratulations! I really feel like your pictures blend together well and I like how the general style stays fresh throughout all the sections! I thought your introduction was freaking fantastic and I also loved your first story especially. I think you started out really strong and I have a huge crush on Greek mythology. I also like how you described everything Greek that you brought up because I am sure not everyone is familiar with Greek myths as I am! I also loved the sense of humor that you have going on and felt like your writing style is really unique! That isn't something I can say to everyone so great job on this! You kept things really fresh thought my entire read through and I never really got bored so you are doing things very right. Keep it up!
Hi there Colton! Well it has been a while since I have visited your page, and I must say that you have done some major work!! You have probably added five more stories to your page, which wow! That's major work and time commitment so that is awesome. From what I read, you have been leading from story to story, and staying consistent with your characters, which is great! I was reading through my previous comment, and I had made a comment about how your dialogue resembled a script- which is cool as long as it stays consistent. And it appears that you have stuck to that particular theme. I can see the anticipation building up in your story, and I am excited to see how you are going to end things!!
This is my first time visiting your storybook, and I must say that I think it is absolutely fantastic! The amount of visual detail present on your page is really great. I really liked how you went into a ton of depth in your introduction. You really laid out some great groundwork for you to build upon as you move forward. I was really intrigued by your storybook and its ideas. I was honestly very excited to read it because I am familiar with the show that you obtained your idea from. I like how you managed to bring forth Zeus in the first ritual. You added in your own creative touch and made it possible to bring forth a god like Zeus. I also loved the comedic dialogue when we find out Zeus came to earth for other motives. The summoning of Hera really surprised me! I thought it was an awesome inclusion and added some more comedic relief to the story. I am curious as to what will become of our spirits. I hope that it ends with an epic battle and a conclusion with a winner. Overall, it was great!
Hey Colton. I would like to start off by saying that I really liked your introduction. It was creative and set up the rest of the story so well. I also loved the comedic touches to your story. I think my favorite has to be the fourth one. Adding Hera into the mix just makes everything all the more entertaining. I really like your author’s notes as well. They are very good at explaining the choices you made for your stories. They also very nicely layout the how you came up with certain elements in your story. I also like how well the images you chose go with the stories. All in all, I loved your project. I hope to read more of your stories on your blog. Good luck with the rest of your semester.
Hello Colton! I really enjoyed your piece and how entertaining it was to read. I don't know if this is what you were going for but I got a little bit of a Hunger Games vibe of sorts and I really liked it. I wonder what it would have been like to be one of those students looking forward to what is to come in the battle for the Holy Grail Tournament Championship. What if for the following stories that are to come in your story book, you write it out more as a dialogue than a scripted format? I like the conversation with the instructor and the students but I thought changing the format just al little bit might make it slightly more connected and continuous. I can't wait to keep reading your stories that are to come as we continue into this class and to find out what happens throughout the whole tournament.
ReplyDeleteHey Colton. First off I enjoy the lay out of your page and the beautiful picture of the throne. I was drawn in by the title "The Throne of Hero's", great! I'm a big Game of Thrones fan so I can say that you did a good job to get that base drawn to your story. I think that the story is going to be very interesting because the knights of the round table is a very prestigious feat to be apart of but usually it is due to courage an sacrifice so being able to enter due to someone else's actions is interesting. Maybe there are twists to come however. I think it would benefit you to add color or bold when a certain person is in dialogue that way it is distinguishing for the reader. But in all it was great and look forward to reading on!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHi Colton! I enjoyed reading your storybook introduction and the concepts you’re working with here! I agree with other readers that this seems like a really interesting Hunger Games-style setup. One aspect of the story that slightly confused me is what the function of the students will be in the story if the servants will actually be the ones fighting for the Grail? I wonder if it might be work better to clarify how the students will be involved in the ultimate battle for the Grail. I was also uncertain about the central theme of this storybook — will it center on medieval mythology, or draw in other cultures and eras (I notice the next section brings Zeus’ story into the mix)?
One modification I think would be helpful is to add some punctuation, like parenthesis, around certain sentences to denote that they’re background elements and not necessarily part of the script. I really enjoy the concept of your storybook and I think with some more clarity it will read and flow very well! Good luck!!
Hi there Colton! It's nice to meet ya. Super interesting idea for a story! You really have to have a certain type of creativity and skill to write these kinds of stories. I think that idea and story line is going to be great, I really have no comments to make on that- as that is all on your own discretion! What I do have remarks on, however, is the aesthetics of the story layout.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing I noticed was on the introduction. While it was good, you kind of dove into the stories and characters without any background information, which is completely fine if the ideas develop themselves throughout the stories and unfold later, but for a first time visitor the introduction threw me off a little without any context. If anything, the introduction sounds like a great first story, and maybe in the intro you could just give us context as to where they are, what they are doing, and who the main characters are.
The second thing I noticed was how you inserted conversation of the characters. The way it is laid out now makes it look like a script. Which, and I say this again, if that is the vibe you are going for, then great! If you are trying to make it more like casual conversation in the story, then maybe not chop up the things they say they way you did.
Other than those two things, this story reminds of a mixture between Harry Potter and Percy Jones, which I think is really cool! It is going to be a really interesting story when it all unfolds.
Hello Colton! I love your story so far! Your writing style is unique; it reminds me of reading a play. You introduced your topic and characters really well. I love the concept of playing a game based on the wars fought for the holy grail. It would be interesting though if we could have a little more background on who these characters are and why they have decided to play in this game. Is the prize something of great value, or is this more of a pride thing for these characters? Is this something that their ancestors did, or is it something that is popular with their culture right now? I cannot wait to read the rest of your story.
ReplyDeleteSo, I like how you made your story similar to a play. The characters have actions and lines, and there is a clear setting. I like how your introduction seems to have triumphant music playing in the background. It seems like one of those, "Duh duh duh dahhhh," kind of affairs. I think it would be cool for you to have a picture of the summoning in your first story. That was the part that I wanted to see with my eyes. Also, it may be nice for you to put a background color behind the words. I feel like your story is less light, and more medieval. Also, if you did not know yet, you can have a different top of the page picture on each separate page. I think this would be nice for your story. Perhaps you could do a different view of the throne room for each page.
ReplyDeleteHi Colton! Great job! I really enjoyed it! I especially liked how when Zeus was questioned about why he wanted to be a servant, he answers, "so I can bring joy to all the beautiful flowers of the world". LOL, at first I didn't understand what was going on but then he glanced at Elizabeth and Chris explains it's because he wanted to sleep with girls. That wording was just hilarious! One thing that I have to question is your characterization of Chris as the most immature of the four students. I don't think you can really see this in your fist story. I think the only "immature" thing he does is call Zeus a geezer. Maybe you could add more stuff to make him more immature. Haha, at this point, I think Zeus is more immature than Chris. Anyways, great story! I look forward to reading more from you!
ReplyDeleteHey Colton,
ReplyDeleteGreat job with the story. I thought you created an admirable, original story that was not afraid to poke fun at Greek mythology's most questionable aspects, most notably Zeus' affinity for women. Your story was hilarious and your use of dialogue and imagery was spot-on. While reading your writing, I could tell that you really knew about your subject matter. I loved that, despite Zeus being the main Greek God you refer to, you were not shy about referencing other Gods/Goddesses in the story and mentioning their attributes. In this case, Hera and her excessive jealousness is shown when she tries to crush Zeus' no-no's. The other being Hephaestus and his crafted mace. Small details like this make Greek mythology fans like myself gush.
My suggestion for you is this: could you may have been a bit more explanatory in your author's note? While reading your story, I had a feeling that the whole story was a reference to something, but I could not quite put my finger on it. You were using terms like Archer and Heroic Spirit, which i am almost sure is a reference to some kind of game. When saying this, I have to apologize since I am so out of the loop. This little mention is so that you can appease us greedy folks!
Other than that, you did a fantastic job, and I look forward to more of your readings!
Colton,
ReplyDeleteI really like your story, it has a Hungry Games feel to it, one of my favorite book series. The introduction seems more like a story than an explanation of what the project is going to be. There are kids/young adult going on a quest with gods/servants. I am not really familiar with what the original story you are basing the project off of. It would be helpful to readers if you explain the world you have created with some authors notes for the introduction and then push the introduction to the first story in the project. When you have something that is not dialogue, like the explanation of what the characters are doing, it might be helpful to put in it brackets or italicized so that your readers do not get confused. It would also be helpful if you could put a link to your comments page on the home page of your project website to make it easier to get to. Great project!
Hi Colton!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. It had a unique feel to it throughout its entirety that was almost like Divergent, The Hunger Games, and other different works of a similar type. As interesting as your piece was, I was a little bit lost on the idea that you are focusing the story book on. I have no doubt that you are doing it justice, I just don't have a great working knowledge of it myself. With that in mind, what if you maybe expanded on the original a little bit? That might help readers as a whole to make connections and really get into the pieces that you write and to fully appreciate exactly what it is that is unfolding throughout the semester. I also think it might be just a little bit easier to read if it were written in more of a prose style than a script, but I think the script format also makes it unique to your piece so that is a writer's preference thing for sure. I can't wait to see how your project continues to grow as the semester moves forward!
Hi Colton!
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if your Storybook is supposed to be a play off of Game of Thrones, but that's what your title and layout made me think of. I never read the original books or have watched the TV series, so please tell me if I'm way off! However, I really like the way you construct your sentences and the vast amount of dialogue in your introduction. It really captured what the next few stories will be about. I like that it wasn't too short or too long, but just the right amount of length that would keep a reader wanting more. Maybe a small suggestion is to break up the different clumps of dialogue, and change the text box colors just to allow readers to see different splits in the story? Either way, I think you did a really great job and I hope to revisit your story to read the rest of the stories you have created! Nice job!
Hi Colton!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite thing about your stories is the amount of dialogue! It makes your audience feel as though they are watching your characters interact, rather than just reading about them interacting. I also agree with Sonali, while all the dialogue is awesome, I think that breaking it up into clumps would make the story more appealing to your reader. You could break it up with description of the scene or insight into what a character is thinking.
You did a good job of showing what you called "Zeus's playboy nature". I encouge you to keep developing your characters personalities by adding more description. Your authors note provides that, but maybe incorporate more of it into your stories! Other than that, your plot is clear and fun to read! I look forward to seeing what else you come up with!
Hi Colton! I like how you organized your story sort of like a play script. It made it easy for me to follow along and I was able to follow the interactions between your characters more easily. I think it would be cool to see a bit more of the personalities of your characters. You did a good job on the flow of the stories, but I think that it would be helpful if some of the dialogue was a bit longer rather than short sentences. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Colton!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to be returning to your storybook this week. It looks like you've done a lot writing since the last time I was able to visit and just read your introduction. I was able to read all new additions to your story! I really like the style you decided to go with - almost like a playbook/script style. It seems like one could easily make a play out of these stories. However, something that kept confusing me was forgetting whose part I was reading. I think one minor text suggestion would be to just bold the names of the people speaking, so if a reader is to refer back to the sentence to who said what, it just makes it easier on the eyes. Just a minor suggestion though, and it's completely up to you! Either way, I think you did a wonderful job, and you're going to be writing any more stories, I am looking forward to coming back and seeing any new additions you make!
Hey Colton! What an awesome storybook you have so far. Your home page really grabs the attention of the reader right off the bat, especially with the pictures. Then, your introduction does a great job of explaining some background information for your storybook, and sets up and describes just how you are going to incorporate your own style into this storybook. Then your first story was also really great. I liked that you incorporated Greek mythology, as this was large part of my inspiration for my storybook. All of your stories are really cool and I like your overall theme. I also liked the commentary because it added great texture to the storyline. I think overall, the layout is really visually appealing and very organized. If there were one suggestion I could make, it would be to add a few more pictures. They just do a great job of aiding the reader in seeing exactly what you are trying to write. Anyways, thanks for sharing and keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHey there Colton!
ReplyDeleteI love the look of your storybook so far! And it looks like you are just about done with it so congratulations! I really feel like your pictures blend together well and I like how the general style stays fresh throughout all the sections! I thought your introduction was freaking fantastic and I also loved your first story especially. I think you started out really strong and I have a huge crush on Greek mythology. I also like how you described everything Greek that you brought up because I am sure not everyone is familiar with Greek myths as I am!
I also loved the sense of humor that you have going on and felt like your writing style is really unique! That isn't something I can say to everyone so great job on this! You kept things really fresh thought my entire read through and I never really got bored so you are doing things very right. Keep it up!
Hi there Colton! Well it has been a while since I have visited your page, and I must say that you have done some major work!! You have probably added five more stories to your page, which wow! That's major work and time commitment so that is awesome. From what I read, you have been leading from story to story, and staying consistent with your characters, which is great!
ReplyDeleteI was reading through my previous comment, and I had made a comment about how your dialogue resembled a script- which is cool as long as it stays consistent. And it appears that you have stuck to that particular theme.
I can see the anticipation building up in your story, and I am excited to see how you are going to end things!!
Hey there, Colton!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time visiting your storybook, and I must say that I think it is absolutely fantastic! The amount of visual detail present on your page is really great. I really liked how you went into a ton of depth in your introduction. You really laid out some great groundwork for you to build upon as you move forward. I was really intrigued by your storybook and its ideas. I was honestly very excited to read it because I am familiar with the show that you obtained your idea from. I like how you managed to bring forth Zeus in the first ritual. You added in your own creative touch and made it possible to bring forth a god like Zeus. I also loved the comedic dialogue when we find out Zeus came to earth for other motives. The summoning of Hera really surprised me! I thought it was an awesome inclusion and added some more comedic relief to the story. I am curious as to what will become of our spirits. I hope that it ends with an epic battle and a conclusion with a winner. Overall, it was great!
Hey Colton.
ReplyDeleteI would like to start off by saying that I really liked your introduction. It was creative and set up the rest of the story so well. I also loved the comedic touches to your story. I think my favorite has to be the fourth one. Adding Hera into the mix just makes everything all the more entertaining. I really like your author’s notes as well. They are very good at explaining the choices you made for your stories. They also very nicely layout the how you came up with certain elements in your story. I also like how well the images you chose go with the stories. All in all, I loved your project. I hope to read more of your stories on your blog. Good luck with the rest of your semester.